Being Wrong Even When You're Right|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Monday, August 11th, 2008|
it's actually kind of funny....
My mom has decided that my younger brother is an alcoholic wife-beater (really? he beats a woman who is armed?) and I'm a back-sliding sexual deviant.
|Monday, December 25th, 2006|
A moment of growling
I was so close to having the best Christmas I've had in years. My brother and sister came over early (around noon) and we had decent conversation. Not once did my brother say anything hurtful. Dinner was fantastic. Good food. Great conversation.
Then dinner was over, the table was getting cleaned, and all of a sudden everyone's packing up to go to Granny's house like this is the way we always do things (which it isn't, we've always gone to Granny's on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve).
Now I'm the bad guy for getting upset that I wasn't informed about this plan. Mom and Dad claimed that they talked to be about this, but they didn't. I had thought that we would spend the evening playing card games or watching movies, like we've done nearly every Christmas for the past few years. I really don't want to cross the border tonight; I don't want to be force fed sugary confections that aren't in my current diet (how is it that everyone in my family continually guilts me into eating whatever sweet thing they've concocted and are offended if I refuse a second helping, but they will also harp about my weight and how I need to lose more?); I also don't want to sit in a room staring at the walls, saying nothing, for several hours. I had planned on visiting Granny later on this week or maybe next week. I've seen her more in the last three months than my brother and sister have seen her in a year.
And what do I hear from my parents when I tell them that I'm not going with them?
"What am I supposed to tell Granny when she asks why you didn't come?"
I don't think she'll ask that, though. Granny may ask where I am tonight, but not why I didn't come. She knows that I'll come for a visit soon enough. I may even leave early next Saturday and visit her for a while before my parents and I go to see my older sister and her family, but tonight I didn't visit my grandmother on principle.
Why should I drop everything just for my stupid brother?!? He has a nice job which makes him enough money to drive up and visit her once in a while (not just at Christmas). He sets his own hours so it's not like he would be losing money setting aside a day to visit her. The same goes for Cheryl. I don't have money to visit Granny, but I still do.
More guilt will be thrown at me when they get home and I'm not looking forward to sidestepping that.
Thanks for wrecking my Christmas, family. I know you'll try to say the same of me, but you and I know that it's just not true. Current Mood: growley
|Monday, November 13th, 2006|
It's almost official
My parents are planing on ditching me for Thanksgiving.
Last weekend, my brother called and asked if my parents would like to escort him to SanDiego when he leaves this coming weekend. They then decided that they would take their time in returning and stop in Bakersfield to have Thanksgiving dinner with their friends. They also asked my little sister if she wanted to go (and of course, she said yes --who wouldn't turn down a free vacation to california, especially when they're unemployed and not in school!). So now I'm stuck at home without family for Thanksgiving weekend and, on top of all the school work, I need to take care of my Granny while they're gone--taking her grocery shopping and cleaning and maybe doing some cooking.
Maybe when I told them I was offended at their harty response to my brother's request, I should have asked them that if I started behaving out of character and/or misbehaving in general if they would start treating me with the same undivided attention and allowing me to take thousands of dollars of their hard earned money for the sake of "being independant."
But I just told them that I felt offended that they would jump to help out B.J. even though they don't approve of his decision to move, but when I wanted to move to Austin they didn't do a thing (and they liked the thought of me moving there). I also I told them I was offended that they're bringing Cheryl along with them. So they asked if I wanted to go. Well, I do, but I can't because I'm not done with school yet!!! Yeah, I can just stop going to school in the middle of the hardest quarter and go to California for two weeks. Sure, no problem!
They think that by bringing Cheryl along with them it will help her break-up with her boyfriend and move home. They seriously need help and I can't do a thing. Current Mood: aggravated
|Thursday, July 27th, 2006|
Time for change, so help me Jeebus!
Someday, I want to be somebody's priority person. I want to actually be thought of before, not after, and I want the people around me every day to try
, to be thoughtful and helpful and considerate.
Theoretically, that's what family is for, unless you're me (or one of us).
For example: Mom pretty much refuses to cook dinner when I say I'm too tired to cook. If I want dinner, I have to make it, end of story, except on those rare occasions when she's decided she wants to eat out, and then (if we're home together) I'm invited along. Of course, that means putting up with Mexican food, unless we go to the Haggen food court. Sorry, but it's just not my idea of "going out to eat"!
If I cook for myself and it smells particularly good, Mom expect that I'm sharing with her, especially if I've made one of my famous omelettes. Doesn't ask before hand, oh no; waits till I'm dishing myself up and asks "So where's mine?". The annoying part is that she means it.
Half the time Mom coats dinner in pepper, lemon pepper or garlic pepper, regardless of what the dish is intended to be. If it's meat, she whips out the spicy BBQ sauce. No appreciation of subtleties or savouriness there! I find it offensive that cooking to suit my own tastes is treated with the same regard as dinner at Denny's.
Now that I'm trying to arrange to go back to school, I feel completely unsupported. I try to talk about it, but Mom's completely unresponsive, and Jeff just asks when I'm going to move out, and starts going off about my brother-in-law. Aside from the part where I'm not him, or them (sorry Kass!), and I take up much less space, and make a point of doing household repairs in front of him to prove my usefulness, Jeff just keeps going on and on inanely--some odd shit about a how all I do is laze around and take up space and mooch and move shit around blah blah blah. The man has no appreciation for a clean, functional home, which it sure as hell wouldn't be if I weren't here.
Mom says she doesn't know how to help me go back to school, so she just ignores the topic altogether. In fact, she's not very communicative about useful or important things. She expects me to somehow just "know" about things, like what's going on or how she feels or what's being considered important. She doesn't tell much, and she doesn't ask at all. My coworkers are more interested in my life than my own mother! Yet she'll talk to Ari on the phone for hours at a time, and they talk every day....Of course, they probably just talk about the tv shows they watch and colours of paint as Ari's been remodeling their house.
One would think that Jeff would be supportive of my decision to go into the building industry. One would think that he'd be motivated at the chance to send me to school far away and get my unwelcome presence out of his house. One would think! But no, that would take too much thinking.
I'm so frustrated I could cry, and this morning's bank issue just weights it down. I need to get the hell out of this house, but I have zero resources at this time, and really need to focus on figuring out the school thing first. I know I need to be patient, and then I can go away from these crazy people who are supposed to be my family, and get back to having a life. That doesn't make it easier, patience has always been the most difficult of virtues for me, and I just spilled my full glass of cold water all down my front and all over the carpet.
Stopping now before this becomes a tangental rant on why I hate wall-to-wall carpeting.
Some days I wish I could be one of those people who are happy with their quiet, staid little lives, keeping the same job and not moving around.
Oh, and crossposted to hirtzenocker
, just because I feel like sharing my whining with the world. Current Mood: cranky
|Tuesday, July 4th, 2006|
My mother called me from work, just now, to tell me that I should have asked her before inviting people over. She's obviously had this churning in her mind since Thursday, because she made it clear that she'd talked it over with both grandma and Ari.
Well.....from grandma she took the tack of "you're technically subletting from us, and when grandma was subletting from Diana, she
had to ask if she wanted guests over".
Not the same thing, mom....
I'm not sure what she got from Ari, but after mentioning Ari she went on about my LJ and homeownership (not quite together, just both subjects). She kept saying that I should call Ari and "see how she'd feel about it".
My own response was angry, and admittedly dramatic, but why in the bloody hell must she be so insistant on this?????
I've made it very clear that I don't accept her subjective opinions as objective logic, and that she's basically contradicting herself and history. And what's with this strict subletting/homeownership stuff? I told her that making that the focal point of argument negates the mother-daughter relationship---you can work one or the other angle, but never both.
I told her that I'll never have people over again (drama!), that if she's going to treat me like a kid that I'll act like one, and that she's no reason not to trust me. I also reminded her that the people who came over are people who've been "welcome any time" for most of 14 years. If they're welcome any time, why the hell should I ask to have them over for a bit, especially if you
aren't going to be there? It's well known that we're well behaved and we clean up after ourselves.
She's all pissy because it was more than two people, because I didn't ask, and she insists that I'm not showing any respect.
What really steams me is that I'd just finished telling her how I didn't get any sleep at all, and she just launches into me. What little good mood and emotional equilibrium I had was instantly burnt right off. I'm a little worried, too, that she won't let this go.
Arg! I can't even think straight about this now. Current Mood: pissed off
|Friday, June 23rd, 2006|
I'm certain you can infer the conversation that led to this email
Why do you keep brining up conversations we had two years ago, or ten years ago? Were those conversations the defining moments of our relationship? You told me you don’t want to be like your mother and grandmother, who keep bringing up slights from decades ago, yet you consistently use these conversations as evidence against me. Don’t you want to get beyond that?
It isn't a third of what I want to say, but one thing at a time. God, you know, I keep thinking our relationship is getting better, but every time there's a little bit of tension, she turns right back into the self-righteous bitch I so desperately wanted to get away from 15 years ago. She's way too intelligent to not know what she's doing, and maybe that's the worst of it. Current Mood: crushed
|Saturday, December 24th, 2005|
We had christmas with mom a week early this year. mainly because Grandma was supposed to come visit this week and decided not too after getting ill. Which I totally understand considering she lives in Arizona and being sick coming to this weather would not help. Well I figured even though Grandma wasn't going to be here at least Mom would try to so that she could celebrate the holiday with me or at least see Ally's first Christmas. But no she figures since her mom's not going to be here she doesn't need. She took a run to georgia. I'm not overly suprised I know for a fact I am not tops on her list of important people. I have proof to back this up. Lets start with right after the girls were killed. The Valentines day after the accident Mom wanted to buy valentine cards for Jeanette's class which I understood. I wanted to also buy some for my class. However Mom decided that she just had to buy juice for Jeanette's class as well as the cards and she could not buy juice for Jeanette's class and allow me to buy cards for my class. so guess what she bought the juice and cards for Jeanette's class. Hell I couldn't even fight with Jeanette about it any more since she wasn't there to ask for it it was all mom. and then there was the time I was 18. Mom had been fighting with her now ex-husband Mike. He had left this wonderful message on her machine that he didn't make a mistake leaving she made a mistake letting her bitch of a daughter back into the house. About a week after that message he decided he wanted to come over so she looks at me and says well Mike wants to come over is there any were else you can spend the night?? so I spent two months at a friends house and then went to visit friends in Bellingham and I didn't move back to Kent till Bill and I did. Anyways all this always manages to pull that carefully placed bandage. Current Mood: angry
|Wednesday, November 16th, 2005|
My mom just called and nagged me about the Sears job, AGAIN! When I told her that my homework load was just too much for having that job, she gouched at me! She said that I have my priorities all screwed up, just because I went out two nights last weekend!! I think she missed the part where I got up early on two out of three of my non-school days to work on my homework, while I was sick, while they were sleeping in 'til noon, and while I could have done the same!
This is all so frustrating! My brother hasn't made his truck payments since he started going to school, and he's taken out about three times as much as I have in student loans and they dont bother him at all!! Sure, some of that has to do with him living in the Seattle area and not at home, but still! Reletively speaking, I'm costing them far less money and I do have a budget to take me through the school year and without incurring credit card debt. I'm just barely going to make it, but I'll make it! I don't ask them for extra money, or to buy me things, or even pay for my insurance (they do that for my sister and, for a while, my brother)! Why do I have the privilage of being harrassed about having a job??? Current Mood: angry
|Wednesday, November 9th, 2005|
Why was I born into a family where no one gives a damn about anyone or anything but themselves? Why do I always get blamed for everyone else's shortcomings? And why do I always have to play referee when they fight amongst themselves?
Right now the only family I care to keep is my husband. At least he is supportive when I need him to be. Current Mood: aggravated
|Thursday, October 6th, 2005|
Mom even gave me the "you're in trouble" voice!
So, my mom was talking with one of her siblings and/or their spouse, and learned that my cousin Jasmine, the next-oldest grandchild after myself and seriphina
(in that order), has gotten herself tattooed. Well, no big deal, she's over 21 and married, to a guy who has some rather nice tattoos himself.
The problem here? Evidently, when her mother found out, Jasmine told her, "Well, Tanayle
has tattoos!" As if my few, simple tattoos were sole justification, with no mention of her own rather colourfully adorned husband.
The one time someone in the family actively follows my example and gives me credit for such, and it's this
? Bunch of nutters..... Current Mood: cynical